\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
Reading Lists\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tJFT: <\/strong>Intimacy in friendships really is the prime subject of this novel, but I didn\u2019t consciously know this for a long time. I\u2019m most interested in relationships that don\u2019t fall into easily identifiable categories. When I look at the book now, every single relationship is one that cannot be neatly defined. Obviously you have Fay and Nell, or F&N, who are not a couple, but they\u2019re also not-not a couple. You have that mirrored in Theo and Christopher\u2014like who knows what their deal is. You have the intense, magnetic draw between Fay and Theo, but it would not be accurate to say that there\u2019s sexual or romantic tension between them. I mean, there kind of is, but neither of them is thinking of it that way, and that\u2019s not the solution to what\u2019s going on between the two of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\nI think the only question that I find interesting enough to sustain for an entire novel is: What is the deal with the relationship between these two people? I think I\u2019m exploring that in many, many different directions. I just love uncategorizable relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JA: There is so much challenge wrestling with identity at that age and also in adulthood, maybe just all the time being like: Who am I? What am I? What is this relationship? What am I doing? How much of that comes from the language we have or don\u2019t have to talk about relationships? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting you bring that up. Again, to bring up the trade reviews, the word \u2018identity\u2019 comes up a lot and even the phrase \u2018wrestling with identity.\u2019 Maybe you could push back on this, but I actually feel like my characters do not spend that much time wrestling with their identity. That might be something that readers project onto the book because they recognize that there is identity happening here, especially with the character Fay. I don\u2019t think Fay actually spends that much time on the page wrestling with identity. She wrestles with a lot of things, like physically wrestling for a lot of the book. I wonder if, when we say these teen characters are wrestling with identity, what we are actually saying is that we have more vocabulary for identity now and this lack, as you put it, this lack of labels and categories for identities is so apparent on the page. Maybe that\u2019s what\u2019s actually happening, is this lack of wrestling because there\u2019s just not enough words to grapple with.<\/p>\n\n\n\nJA: Maybe \u2018wrestling\u2019 is too violent of a word. I\u2019m thinking of the scene where Fay says, \u201cI left the Meetinghouse Loft, or rather my body did, a body from which I found myself vertiginously untethered.\u201d She\u2019s very self-assured and knows herself in so many ways, but the moments of violence in the book are the only ones where it seems like she is in her body, experiencing herself fully.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>I always try really hard to be in my characters\u2019 bodies and experience what my characters are experiencing. With Fay it\u2019s a little tricky because I think I, as the author, am more in her body than she is. <\/p>\n\n\n\nJA: This book made me think so much about growth and how much pressure we put on people to navigate life stages in a uniform way. I tell my students all the time how wild I think it is that people are expected to pick a college when they\u2019re seventeen and know then what they want to major in or \u201cbe.\u201d Nell views college with hope for who she might be where Fay struggles to see a future for herself. Do you think these pressures to make choices at certain points in our life make organic growth difficult in that it\u2019s difficult to veer from what\u2019s seen as the norm?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>This is such a great point you bring up, and there are different levels to my answer. On the most surface level, I cannot possibly agree with you more\u2014it\u2019s so unconscionably stupid that we expect seventeen-year-olds to commit to a life path. It actually took me several drafts to decide on a life path for Fay and Nell. I think I changed Nell\u2019s college major like seven times. It\u2019s so random, it\u2019s so arbitrary. On one level, when Fay is unable to visualize a future for herself, she\u2019s partly just very rationally reacting to the insanity of that. <\/p>\n\n\n\nThe novel is about projections, and projecting onto people what you want to see in them or what you want to feel in yourself.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
That was not precisely autobiographical for me because I was constantly fantasizing about my future but I, like Fay, was resistant to the college application process. One thing I took from myself when I was writing this storyline for Fay is the way I thought about my future was just a different side of the coin: I was purely fantasizing. There was no realistic planning. I thought a lot about being a celebrity, being interviewed, being on Broadway. These are not actual career plans. You could take steps to make this happen. You could go to acting school but I didn\u2019t want to go to acting school. I didn\u2019t even want to go to auditions. I just wanted these things to happen to me; I still do. Fay does not have this fantasy life to distract her from the fact that she has trouble envisioning a future for herself but I think what we have in common is not actually being in the moment, not wanting to exist right now as a person going to school, surrounded by peers, making day to day decisions about the kind of person you want to be and becoming the kind of person that you\u2019re growing up into. Fay and I were both highly resistant to the path that life had put us on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t think this is necessarily a trans thing, because I\u2019m sure there are many trans people out there who were very excited to go to college and very excited to choose a major. Lest I overgeneralize here, all I can say is that\u2019s how I reacted to the idea of going to college at the age of seventeen and it\u2019s how Fay reacts too. I do highly recommend going to college in your late twenties, which is what I did. It\u2019s so much better to go to college when you have experienced the workforce and you can just experience the pleasure of being asked to read all day. I appreciated every second of it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JA: Can we talk about the theater aspect of this novel? I\u2019m not a theater kid, but something that I found interesting is the way these characters read their characters and have a grasp of who they are. They say: this is what I\u2019m bringing to the character, this is what I\u2019m doing. I wonder if you could talk a little bit about the relationship between this ability to perform and this ability also to feel at home in yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>I\u2019m amazed you\u2019re not a theater person because that\u2019s such a well-observed observation. A passage early on that I\u2019ve always been kind of proud of is when the cast is having their first read-through of Othello<\/em> and before they do the read-through, the drama teacher has the leads go around and describe their characters. I don\u2019t make a big deal of it, but if you look at what all of the characters are saying, they are actually describing themselves. I don\u2019t even know if I did this intentionally, but when it\u2019s Fay\u2019s turn, she says that the main thing about Iago is that he\u2019s a gay man but he\u2019s not allowed to be one.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\nOne thing I love about high school theater is it\u2019s so rare that high schoolers are allowed to express a big emotion in front of everybody. I fell in love with high school theater when I was in the ninth grade and I was not in the fall play, I was only an audience member. I went to the high school production of The Winter\u2019s Tale.<\/em> The boy playing King Leontes, when he finds out his wife wasn\u2019t cheating on him and he had her executed for no reason, just broke down crying, like tears streaming down his face. A boy crying, in front of everybody, in front of teachers, classmates, everybody, just letting loose on stage. It\u2019s possible he was not actually giving a good performance, he might have been hamming it up too much, but it was incredible for ninth grade me to see. And also, all the other cast members behind him were crying too. I found out later that a lot of them were doing the Burt\u2019s Bees trick. It just rocked my world to see my classmates crying in front of everybody. I went back and saw the play again the next night.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhen you\u2019re in high school, the most impressive thing is that bravery, that emotional courage to just show your deep feelings. When you are an adult and acting professionally, that\u2019s not the most important thing about being an actor, and I think when we see bad actors as adults is that they are hamming it up too much or showing too many feelings, rather than realistically showing how a character might try to hold back their feelings. But in high school, that doesn\u2019t matter. It\u2019s about having the courage to put it all out there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
JA: When you were talking about uncategorizable relationships, I couldn\u2019t help but think of friendship breakups, and how I don\u2019t think we talk enough about what happens at the end of things when it\u2019s not a romantic relationship. I wondered what you learned from writing the end of this friendship, like this grieving of a person who\u2019s still very much alive, still out there living their life, but without you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>I can\u2019t remember when he said this, but I think it was my friend Danny Lavery who said once that it\u2019s become almost a platitude that we never talk about friend breakups. People are always saying, \u201cWe never talk about friend breakups, we have no books about them, we have no vocabulary to talk about them.\u201d And he said, is it possible that we\u2019ve said this so much that it\u2019s no longer true? Can we talk about friend breakups without saying we never talk about friend breakups?<\/p>\n\n\n\nJA: True.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>That said, it is still very interesting to me. I\u2019ve actually been hearing a lot from readers who reach out to me and say that this book made them think about their best friend from high school. It surprised me, because I didn\u2019t set out to depict what I thought was a universal type of relationship. I thought that Fay and Nell were an unusual enough relationship that I could spend a whole novel exploring them. I guess it is more common than I thought, especially for queer people, to have one intense friendship during adolescence that eventually falls apart or ends in a weird way. I did sort of get at something that doesn\u2019t get talked about very much.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe very nature of high school is that you are thrown together with random people for eight hours a day. You can\u2019t get away from them, and you have to see them every day in spite of your conflicts.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
I want to quote a friend of mine who also said she was reminded of a former, intense friendship while reading my book. She said she was reminded how, just like Fay and Nell, she and her friend were just in constant communication, all day long, that she wonders now what did we talk about? They were talking on the phone, IMing, seeing each other at school, and she wonders: What were we even doing? We didn\u2019t have memes to text to each other or links to send to each other. What in the world could we have found to occupy all those hours of talk? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is the interesting thing that she said, which is: I think we were just using each other as a kind of repository for whatever random thought came into our head. We would dislodge random thoughts by telling them to each other. In retrospect, this was a very selfish form of intimacy because we weren\u2019t really hearing each other, we were just using each other as a sounding board. She said, I think this is why the friendship didn\u2019t last, because once the circumstances changed and once things got difficult or there was conflict between us, there was actually no intimacy to draw on. We had been talking at each other for several years, and we didn\u2019t truly know each other. We didn\u2019t have a deep emotional understanding of each other. I love that my friend observed that, because I think it\u2019s one of the takeaways of Idlewild, <\/em>it\u2019s something that both Fay and Nell are grappling with at the end: Did we ever really know each other? <\/p>\n\n\n\nJA: Something that\u2019s been coming up throughout our conversation is what we impose on something rather than what\u2019s actually there. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s the age of the characters or that it\u2019s this heightened era, but I think there\u2019s something where you get to bring a part of yourself to this friendship, the same way that these characters see past each other. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nJFT: <\/strong>I actually love that you say that. The novel is about projections, and projecting onto people what you want to see in them or what you want to feel in yourself and I never do resolve the question of how much we know about them is a projection and how much is real. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"At a private Quaker high school in New York City, one year post-9\/11, Fay and Nell have grown so close that they narrate their lives in unison, as F&N. F&N do everything together: they sip their matching caramel Frappuccinos; IM late into the night despite seeing one another all day at school and hanging out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1807,"featured_media":258305,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[350,5567],"tags":[316,82,94,5681],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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